I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how we connect with others, and build community in this our modern, detached, self-contained world…

One of the disadvantages of us all working more from home is that we don’t get to meet so many people, or have the opportunity to make friends at work. There’s no conversation with a stranger over the coffee machine. So how can we find and build community today?

In days gone by, belonging to a faith community was a great way to connect with others as part of a multi-age, multi-cultural community. These communities and opportunities are still there, though fewer people seek them out.

Platforms like Meetup.com do a fantastic job of bringing people together through shared interests, wherever they may live.

When I go out with my hiking group, I’m struck by the many people I meet who have recently moved to Cambridge for a new job, only to find that they are working remotely most of the time and meeting no one. That’s why they have joined the hiking group, to meet people and be part of a community. It’s not necessarily about making friends. Sometimes what we need from our community, is the opportunity just to pass the time of day with other people.

So here’s the bigger question: on a day to day basis, how can we get to know the people around us? How can we connect with people who have different ideas and backgrounds from our own, and build community with them, especially if we live on our own?

I think we need to start very small...

STEP 1: Start with the tiniest gesture – a smile. When we go out for some fresh air, I don’t know if you ever walk along with a smile on your face, but it’s amazing how many people smile back (yes, even in London!) A smile is like a welcoming gesture of warmth to others, it connects us momentarily with total strangers, and makes the world seem a little bit smaller and a little bit friendlier. if your eyes connect with someone else’s, even for the briefest second, try smiling at them.

STEP 2: Talk to strangers!  (I feel like Mortitia Addams saying that – “Play with your food, Wednesday”) Yes, talk to strangers! Opportunities are everywhere: at the checkout, queuing to order a coffee, walking along the river. What should we talk about? The most natural place to start is with shared experience – an observation about the situation that you’re in in that queue. That’s where the conversation about the weather comes into its own– it gives us a safe, and sometimes amusing, way in to pass the time with strangers.

Or there’s the train journey…

Last week, I missed my train at Kings Cross by seconds, it was pulling out as I got through the barrier onto the platform. I decided to take the positive view and consider that I was early for the next one. So as first person on the next train, I got myself a good seat, and made myself comfortable. 

Just as the train was about to leave, a young woman ran in and threw herself down on the seat opposite. “Made it!” I said in sympathy. She expressed her relief and we started a conversation recalling the old- style trains where you would throw your rucksack through an open door and jump on after it just as the train was pulling out! That led on a conversation about what each of us had been doing in London, and why we were rushing back. I learned about her involvement as a Rainbow pack leader for the Brownies; she heard about my acting class. We found out about what we both enjoy about our work, what our particular areas of expertise are, and how we balance that with our private lives.

It was a great conversation, and when the train pulled into Cambridge North, we both acknowledged how much better our day felt for having met and had our conversation, and a lot of laughs. I don’t know if I’ll ever see Catriona again, but even if I don’t, my feeling about the world was better for having met her. I hope she feels the same.

Next time you’re in a queue for a coffee or walking along the towpath, if someone walks towards you smiling, why not smile back at them. Pass the time of day with the person in front of you in the coffee queue.  You might just make their day. And who knows, the person in front of you might well be me.

 

Based in Leytonstone, London, Julia Caddick is a dynamic voice and presentation coach with over 30 years of experience in music, theatre, and communication. She helps business leaders, teams, and individuals deliver clear, authentic, and impactful presentations—both in person and online.