It’s natural to question ourselves from time to time, and it helps us grow. It’s what makes us realise we may need further training in a particular area, thus enabling us to become better practitioners of our art. But if our self-questioning turns to attacking self-doubt, it becomes a problem. Today we deal with a questioning voice that is less common than the last two, fortunately. Ever met this voice? I hope not! It’s the voice that says: “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?! “

It’s a question some of us put to ourselves when our self-esteem is low; but it probably hasn’t originated in us.  This is a message that was given to us when we were quite young, by those who are keen to point out our difference from them. We may have heard it at school, or even in the family. It is sometimes said by those whose own confidence is threatened by our apparent confidence.  It is a form of ‘othering’. If we appear to pose a threat to ‘normality’ by standing out as different, ‘who do you think you are’ is said to pressurise us to conform and make us ‘fit in’. Its meaning is “What gives you the right to shine and be brilliant?!” It is never said kindly, and it isn’t really a question.  It puts pressure on the individual to conform ‘down’, to be less than we are.  Its intention is to keep us small, controllable, and contained. It’s no accident that the dealing of comments like this in former times was called “cutting someone down to size”.

WHAT CAN YOU DO IF THIS VOICE IS IN YOUR HEAD?

If you find yourself directing this question at yourself:

1. Notice it, and be aware of the damage it can do to your self-esteem.
2. Ask yourself: do I still want to be contained and limited by others? Your life has moved beyond the scope of the person or people who said this to you.
3. Reframe it: When the voice in your head says “Who do you think you are!” ,  counter it with “Do I have the right to shine and be brilliant?” The answer to that is a resounding “Yes!”
4. Remember – all of these negative voices can only affect us if we focus our attention on ourselves and our perceived deficiencies.
5. Switch your focus, especially on the day of a presentation. Focus on your audience’s needs instead. focus on what you can offer your listeners.  Ask yourselves what do they NEED, (not what do they think of me).

Notice it, question it, reframe it, switch your focus!

With all of these negative undermining voices, one of the key ways to overcome them is the same: remember that you are there to deliver to others and for others. Once we switch our focus onto our audience instead of ourselves, a journey of progress can begin.

THE OUTCOME?

By putting the audience’s needs foremost in our minds, we forget about our own undermining questions and fear. As we generously share excitement in our area of expertise, our nerves disappear. Instead of our fears putting us down, we use that edge of adrenalin to soar.

When we switch the focus to the audience’s needs, we leave behind this very damaging voice, and the people who said it to us. Instead, by focussing on our audience, we can move beyond our fears and limitations, and grow into the strong, capable and confident presenters we have the potential to be.

In the next blog, I’ll be giving Top Tips for Taming Nerves in Front of an Audience

 

Based in Leytonstone, London, Julia Caddick is a dynamic voice and presentation coach with over 30 years of experience in music, theatre, and communication.